Thanks to Christian Grey and the phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey, the BDSM world has exploded. Middle-aged mothers everywhere are now yearning to be tied up to a bed, and there is totally nothing wrong with that.
However, the book and its popularized notions do not exactly prepare everyone for entry into the BDSM world. So, here we discuss some safety precautions and preconceived notions associated with the heavier, kinkier side of sex.
What is BDSM?
BDSM is an acronym used to define a series of complicated terms. These terms stand for interwoven concepts varying in levels of severity and commitment.
BDSM is a form of sexual expression where someone is the dominant partner and the other is submissive. This can range from simply being on top or bottom, to being more of a dominatrix and having a sex slave.
- The B and D: The first two letters in BDSM stand for bondage and discipline. This can range from blindfolding your partner to putting on handcuffs. Bondage is defined as a means to restrain your partner for the purpose of sexual pleasure. The discipline portion is for a means of rules or punishments to control or reward particular sexual behaviors.
- The S: The “S” in BDSM stands for submission, and the chances are that you already use this in the bedroom. Anyone who has role played to act out a boss and his secretary, for example, has practiced the D and S portion of BDSM.
The M: Lastly, the “M” stands for masochism, which is the most physical of all of the concepts. This is also most likely the part of BDSM that you associate with the acronym. Masochism is the physical or emotional torture, such as humiliation, used against someone else in a sexual manner. This can range from spanking and whips, to handcuffs and chains.
The M: Lastly, the “M” stands for masochism, which is the most physical of all of the concepts. This is also most likely the part of BDSM that you associate with the acronym. Masochism is the physical or emotional torture, such as humiliation, used against someone else in a sexual manner. This can range from spanking and whips, to handcuffs and chains.Physical punishment and pain is not the only cause of risk associated with BDSM. Because BDSM requires a clear mind, this new exploration and pushing of the envelope can also add to a person’s discomfort. As you can see, you probably already partake in some mild form of BDSM. However, let’s now talk about how you should enter the even more risqué world of BDSM both safely and comfortably.
Seven Ways To Reduce The Risqué Risks Of BDSM
1. Start Small And Be Sure To Communicate
Many people claim it is vital to establish what we call a baseline. If you are with a new partner or in a new role, then this will help both of you feel comfortable. And, you’ll enjoy yourselves without changing too much or pushing too far. If you and your partner establish a baseline, then you both are pretty well aware of where you feel comfortable.
The thought of laying ground rules and even communicating about the BDSM events that are soon to come might seem ridiculous to you.
You might feel embarrassed, or you might even find it unnecessary. However, let us explain why it is imperative that you and your partner establish ground rules.
One quiteessential part of laying some ground rules includes having a safe word.
2. Play It Safe With One Little Word
Toying around with BDSM in the bedroom will stretch the comfort zone. It is pertinent that you and your partner have a plan to figure out if either of you are uncomfortable during sex.
The best way to communicate discomfort is through a safe word. Before beginning your new sexual encounter, agree on one word that will signal for the activity to stop.
Make sure that the word is not a word that you might ordinarily utter during sex. For example, comedian Kevin Hart jokes about using the word, “pineapples.”
The words, “no” or “stop” are not a wise decision, as they might not be drastic enough to be taken seriously like another out of place word might be. In order for a safe word to work, there must also be mutual respect in the relationship.
3. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
It might seem strange, but in order for all BDSM activities to run smoothly in the beginning, there must be mutual respect between the two of you. Especially for the person in the submissive role, they must feel as though respect is there. In order to better explain why this is important, let’s talk about a particular scenario where respect will play a pivotal role.
4. It Won’t All Be Rainbows And Sunshine
BDSM has the potential to hurt, both physically and emotionally. It is perfectly normal to be in the moment, having your partner yank on your hair, spank you, and call you a dirty slut.And, then in the next moment you snap back to reality and take offense to this statement.
Safe words are generally associated with physical pain, but this is the perfect opportunity for a safe word. If you are taking any offense, then call your safe word and take a moment to be affectionate with one another before getting down and dirty again.
Not only can things go awry during sex, but you might feel pain, either physically or emotionally, after BDSM sex, too. You might literally be in pain, in which case you have to let your partner know so that you can make certain it doesn’t happen again. Or, you might have taken offense to something that your partner said or did to you during sex.
Either way, you absolutely have to address this with your partner after sex. Certainly, it might not be the best time to talk about it immediately after, but within a few hours after sex, you should recap your first BDSM encounter. Not only will this help you both gauge how the other person felt, but also you can talk about what you want to try next time. The inability to address these instances that make you uncomfortable will ruin any potential BDSM, or possibly even sex in general for you and your partner in the future. With this in mind, there is one general rule that can make this new transition easier for you and your partner.
5. Slow And Steady Wins The Race
When it comes to trying out BDSM concepts in the bedroom, slow and steady really does win the race. Start out with extremely PG-rated BDSM.
A little tugging of her hair, biting your partner’s lip, or a light spank can gauge how far you two really want to go.
Much of BDSM, even the PG rated stuff, hurts. Because of this, you want to check that you take it slow with your partner. You are much more likely to enjoy yourselves if you take it slow and do not rush into anything too crazy.
6. You Might Need To Practice
One sort of funny, in some cases, BDSM mishap involves the misuse of handcuffs. It is highly advisable that anyone looking to use handcuffs during a BDSM session practices their use of handcuffs on an inanimate partner before the real one. Not only do you need to practice taking them on and off, but you also need to practice your safe place for the key. Losing the key can turn into an embarrassment for the both of you. While some BDSM mishaps are embarrassing, others can put you and your partner in ansuper-sticky situation.
7. Take Care Of Yourself And Your Partner
As we have mentioned, physical acts are inevitable during BDSM activities. Spanking, flogging, smacking, or aggressively holding your partner is all good and fun, until you leave them with a visible bruise or wound.
It might be hard in the heat of the moment, but try to be conscientious of where you are grabbing your partner. They could potentially be left with a lot to explain if they have a visible bruise or wound for work the next day.
Also, you and your partner must take care of any bruises or wounds that you have. Ice any bruises for 15 to 20 minutes at a time, and apply plenty of healing creams to any open wounds that you might have. Keep an eye on them to ensure that they do not become infected.
Other Risks
Many people involved in the BDSM community enlist the help of recreational drugs to enhance the side effects of BDSM. However, be aware of these drugs and their detrimental side effects.
There are many people that smoke, snort, inject and even use such recreational drugs as a suppository. Such pills are in a form of crystal meth, and many people love them because they help throw inhibitions out the window.
Unfortunately, studies are proving that the use of recreational drugs is synonymous with unprotected sex. Therefore, the spreading of HIV is likely to be even higher when such harmful recreational drugs are involved.
Furthermore, recreational drugs work to help our bodies relax and alleviate pain. Therefore, you might expose yourself to more painful or rigorous sex than you really wanted to. The worst part is that you will not know you are in pain until the drug wears off, and by then it will be too late. You don’t need drugs to have great sex. Talk to your partner about any issues that are causing you to feel self-conscious or uncomfortable. The two of you can work things out, as long as you take it slow and communicate openly.
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