You’ve been having sex with your partner for a long time now. And while sex is as intimate as it can be, you have to admit it that the whole missionary, conventional, and even cowgirl style can get boring sometimes. So, you ask yourself, what else can I do? Well, you have probably thought of kinky sex once or twice. It’s not wrong. There is even a special category for kinky sex on porn sites. While it may seem taboo for some, it can be a source of more pleasure and more intensive orgasmic experiences that you may never have through ordinary sex.
While it is common knowledge and rule that men should be gentle and careful with women, and the other way around, S & M is a gratifying exception to that rule. S & M is sadomasochism, or rough sex, where one is a dominant and the other is a submissive. It revolves around foreplay, role play, pain and pleasure – all rolled into one. So, if you think you’re ready to take that step with your partner, here are 10 tips to get you on your way to your new, kinky sex life:
1. It Should Be A Unanimous Agreement
Okay, you think that S & M sex can be good and even strengthen your relationship. Does she think so, too? This sort of thing should be carefully talked and planned out before venturing into it.
And by planned out, we mean you know what you want to do. S & M has a great deal of stuff that you can do, so it is best if you’ve picked out the things that you want to try out first.
Like any other new experience that you have in your relationship or your individual self, it is best experienced when your partner is in tune with what you want. So, talk. Tell her, or him, what you think and see if they feel the same way. If the answer is yes, then gear up and gas up, it’s time to rock and roll.
2. Set The Ambience
The right ambience can stimulate the sadist or the masochist in you. Preparing your room or your background before you have kinky sex is a big factor to make sure you are turned on the right way. The details are important because otherwise, it will lose the S & M vibe.
Here are some of the details that you can prepare to make sure that you are kinky-ready:
Music. This actually depends if you and your partner have the same taste in music or if you both like to do it with the music on.
Classical music is said to stimulate S & M because the ambience transports you back to the medieval times, when slavery and whips were part of society. Whatever it is, you should both be on board with it.- Background. For some couples, they have a special room set aside just for these types of occasions. A room filled with costumes, whips, ropes, paddles, riding crops and sex toys can get you in the rough sex mood.
Music. This actually depends if you and your partner have the same taste in music or if you both like to do it with the music on.3. Dress The Part
S & M sex has a great deal of role play, so you better dress the part. Best ideas? Be a cowboy with a riding crop, a medieval verdugo with a whip or a paddle, or a cop with handcuffs and police baton ready to cause pain.
Dressing up for the role that you will play is an essential step in making your kinky sex more stimulated. The more you look the part, the more encouraging you will be for your partner and the whole experience can be more exciting.
4. Safe Word
It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And yes, S & M is a game, so the risk of someone getting hurt can be there. It could be you, or it could be your partner. Gather up, ladies and gentlemen and listen well. Probably the most important thing to remember before going into the S & M world is the “Safe Word.”
It’s your indication, your sign, your limit to know when the action being done is too much and needs to be stopped immediately. Some deeds can be painful or just too kinky for your partner’s taste.
So you come up with a word, just one word that one of you can say when you want to discontinue what you are doing.
Take note: do not use the word “Stop.” This is because some kinky actions can be too pleasurable that you do not really want to stop, and you yell “Oh, please stop,” but you actually really do not want to stop. So, yes, choose another word. Preferably something common, yet not used during sex. Can you say watermelon?
5. Talk Dirty
Ooh, of course you should talk dirty. And by dirty, meaning nasty, spiteful, harsh orders and curses. The use of harsh words can heighten the roughness of your sexual activity and can stimulate you into full S & M role.
Since S & M is dominance and submission, bark those orders to spank you here or lick you there to your sex slave.
6. The “No-Props” kinky Sex
Yes, S & M sex is a lot better with toys and tools. But what if you get caught up somewhere without your toys and you feel like being kinky? Well, you can still go through with it without your props. Kinky sex is, in essence, causing your partner pain or you receiving pain. That pain is actually a way for you to be more sensitive sensually and your pleasure points are heightened.
Thus, you give or receive pain, so you can feel more pleasurable and have more intense orgasms. And yes, we used orgasms in plural form, get the message? So, if you don’t have your toys, how can you do the whole kinky thing?
- Biting sensitive areas down there or other parts of the body can be sensual and pleasurable, as long as you don’t go overboard.
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Photo by Emergency Brake / CC BY 2.0 Hair pulling is basic rough sex. You get pain up in your head while feeling all pleasurable down there.
- Pinning your partner down while you ride her or bang her from behind can display dominance while your partner is helpless below you.
- Anal Sex. The proverbial forbidden anal sex, which can cause both intense pain and pleasure for your lady.
7. Use Blindfolds
How do you magnify your sense of touch? By disabling your sense of sight. Using blindfolds will, of course, disallow you to see anything that your partner is doing.
Or is about to do, therefore making your other senses hyperaware in deciphering and anticipating what will happen next.
With your eyesight covered, you are more focused on what your skin touches and you get hypersensitive sensually. It builds up the anticipation and excitement of not knowing what is touching you yet gives you pleasure.
8. Use Restraints
S & M is about dominance and submission and, well the stuff you do depend mainly on what the dominant wants. As a dominant, you would want your submissive to be helpless and unable to take control anytime during the act. So, you use restraint.
Restraint can be exercised using different stuff. You can use handcuffs, gags, ropes, cable ties, a silk scarf or a tie to tie your partner’s hands, neck or feet together. Be careful though, when tying around the neck, as it may be too painful or dangerous for your partner.
9. More Pain, More Pleasure
There are many tools that can be used during kinky sex. In fact, just about anything can be used during kinky sex, as long as it fits your style. For S & M, the more painful the tools used, the more pleasurable to whole act becomes.
Some of the most basic pain-inducing moves can be spanking, choking or slapping your partner. If you use toys or tools, the most basic ones used are whips, riding crops, paddles and cat o’ nine tails that you can use to spank your partner with if they refuse to submit to you. Little drops of melting wax from a candle can also be a source of pleasurable pain. Again, safety first, though. Sex is not meant to be fatal, after all.
10. Sex Toys
Who says you cannot use sex toys when you are already having sex? Sex toys can actually add more excitement and kinkiness when you use it while doing the deed. Some of the best sex toys to use for S & M fun include:
- Vibrators can give the lady pleasure while you watch her. If the male is the submissive, the lady can torture him by making him watch the whole time without him having to do anything about it.
- Nipple clamps, as the name suggests, are clamps that you use on your nipples to apply pressure on them. Believe it or not, the more pressure you put on your nipples can heighten your sensitivity on other parts of your body, specifically down there.
- Butt plugs are something you can insert in the ass while you have sex with your lady. The sensual and intense feeling at the front and behind can leave her gasping and asking for more.
When you hear the words “kinky sex,” what initially comes to mind is sex for those who enjoy giving pain or for those who take pleasure in receiving pain. However, it does not only focus on those two. S & M, as what they say, allows you to feel the pain, so you can be hyperaware and sensitive to pleasure. Thus, when pleasure comes, it can be more intense, more pleasurable and the orgasmic experience becomes much more extreme.